Men with Claws

For the past year and a half, I have been noticing an alarming trend in the length of young men's nails in Boston. When I go to shake their hands or they hold open a door for me, their long claws are instantly noticeable. What was even weirder is that it was only on one hand. Were they two lazy to clip both sets of fingernails? Did they have some weird disease where only their nails on their left/right hand grew extra long called Mononailelongisis? Was this their way of sticking it to the Man? Even one of my male friends started growing his fingernails long. So I asked if he decided to put a ban on nail clippers, and he told me he keeps them long because they help him play the guitar better. I'm not sure how this helps since I thought that was what a pick was for, but being the musically-challenged individual that I am I can't really argue. What I can say is that it is definitely not the most attractive thing in the world to see yellowing nails about an inch long at the end of a big, muscular arm. Maybe it's balanced out by the fact that being able to play the guitar is pretty attractive to most women. Anyway, if you have ever wondered why some guys have long fingernails on one hand, now you know why. Unless they are trying to break the Guinness World Record (the current record is held by Lee Redmond, who hasn't cut her fingernails since 1979).